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Raef: I Couldn't Save Him
Warning: Some mention of sadness. Setting: Whenever they get back to the castle. “You coming?” “Yeah. Go on ahead. I’ll catch up.” Raef smiled – made himself smile – when Az looked back at him before continuing down the path that led up to the front of the castle. It should’ve been a sight for sore eyes. He had spent days dreaming of when he could come back to the castle. Of when he’d be able to come home, cook dinner for Griffin and the dogs, of when he’d be able to curl up on the bed with him and talk about whatever the fuck they wanted to talk about. Except Griffin wasn’t there and would never be there again. Az was there. That was good. Raef swallowed, pushing down the pain that threatened to bubble up. He didn’t want to go inside. The sun had begun to set by the time he left the grounds and walked inside. It was lively, it was warm, and he hated it. Somewhere he could hear Az cooing at Tikva; he was probably in the kitchen. Good. Then he wouldn’t ask him why he hadn’t come in sooner. Why he had just stood there, staring up at the castle and wishing for everything to go away. Each step up the staircase dragged at him as if he were wading through quicksand. He didn’t want to go up. But he had to. He reached for the door handle, grabbed it, pulled it… The door swung open. Nothing had changed. The bed was made, the small cooking setup was still where they had left it, the dogs’ beds were piled neatly on the floor…It was all the same. Even a jacket he had been mending for Griffin was still hanging on the back of a chair, waiting for him to finish it. Raef inhaled, exhaled, and took one more breath before he stepped inside. He wanted to run then, wanted to turn around and leave. He took another step. One more. He reached out for the jacket, hand shaking and heart thudding. His hand dropped. When the dogs came barreling into the room, tripping over their too-long legs, Raef was sitting on the floor near the bed with the jacket in his lap; it still smelled like Grififn. He stopped squeezing and stroking it when he saw them. Their tails wagged. “Hey, babies,” he said, stroking them and holding them as they licked at any open skin they could reach. He chuckled despite the tightness in his throat and the burning in his eyes. He had missed them. Zarkon – Zarkon – flopped down on his lap as best he could. The puppy was all legs and they stuck out awkwardly. Uthax didn’t lay down. He kept pacing, sniffing, turning, and coming back. By now Griffin would’ve scooped the mastiff up into a bear hug, enduring the slobbering licks and giving a few kisses back. “Come here.” Raef patted the floor beside him. When Uthax came over and sat he scratched behind his ear. “I’m sorry, Uthax.” A lick came as an answer, a small one followed by a gentle nudge to his hand. Raef rubbed at his face, sniffed, and wrapped his arms tight around the large dog. He buried his face in against his neck. “I couldn’t save him…I’m sorry.” Category:Vignettes